Divorce and Marriage Related?
If we’re going to deal with the subject of divorce, we should talk about marriage, too. Shouldn’t we?
Marriages are funny things for humans: they happen for a variety of reasons — love, land, libidinal, nuclear family creation. I loved being married, knowing that there were rules for my behavior (unlike my father) and that I was going to be introduced to some new roles — father, co-parent — that I couldn’t have gotten any other way. These interpersonal unions have been happening for a long time…even in hunter-gatherer societies.
Some species — gibbons, swans — mate for life. A pretty small number of mammals, really: most are not monogamous.
My idea of marriage was, of course, shaped by how my parents behaved. (I was scared of the idea of being married well into my 20’s.) The culture also influenced my perceptions: when Archie (Bunker) would say to Edith: “stifle,” I would wonder “who could be treated with that much disrespect and still stay in the relationship?”
I’m divorced twice and, sometimes, wonder “What happens to that love and commitment that I felt at the beginning?” That sense of promise that love was all that mattered…that together, we could conquer any foe?
I have a partial answer: that love, that sense of devotion gives way to deep-seated fears. And, like so many others, I ended up running away from what terrified me: that my wife had found out the truth about me: that I was not acceptable, that I was not loved or cherished anymore. That I was not lovable.
So why do we get married? In our Western culture, why do we still see marriage as a gift? (It’s changing, though: marriages in 2010 were at a record low, 5% down over 2009, less than half of adults are married: see Pew Center’s research.)
Arranged marriages (Unicef, ABC News) — these represent 90% of all marriages in India, for example — have a global divorce rate of 6%. Cultural norms are at work, obviously, that contrast with the 50% divorce rate for first marriages in the United States. Legal obstacles, too.
What theories explain the differences? Harville Hendrix, a psychotherapist with some breakthrough ideas, suggests that arranged marriages don’t have the same set of expectations…the partners don’t enter the union with “the unconscious illusion that the unmet needs of childhood will get met in marriage.”
I think the purpose of marriage is the idea that Meg Wheatley shared at a conference back in 1992 when she said, quite glibly, “the family provides the container in which each of us is free to experiement with who s/he wants to be.”
If we can accept that as the purpose for marriage, how does the splitting up impact this “work?” I’ll deal with that in another post.
* "This app should be called lickity split, for before you know it you are done!! This is a superb concept, brilliantly executed." -- Ecstatic User, iTunes Review
* "I downloaded this today and have been playing with it. It's absolutely wonderful." -- Gabriel C., Esq., Massachusetts
* "…Graphic and very flexible, it's very promising. There is nothing else like this…" Mark U., Esq., Texas
* iSplit Divorce uses a revolutionary approach called “visual computing” to help divorcing couples easily split up their marital assets/debts.
* Move icons around and the program automatically re-calculates assets / debts and net value in realtime.
* iSplit Divorce will save you enough in legal costs to pay for the purchase of your iPad. There is no advertising on the paid version and we don't try to connect you with attorneys. We respect your privacy and your values.
SECURITY AND PRIVACY
There are no websites to log onto: all of the data for this Application reside on your tablet computer. The only time you would contact us is if you have a problem or have some ideas for an enhancement to the App.
THE PARTITION SCREEN
* Output your configuration to a spreadsheet to share with your attorney, ex-spouse, advisor.
* Can't make a decision? "Park" an asset or debt while you make decisions about other items. Parked items don't enter into the autocalc formula at the bottom.
* iSplit Divorce automatically saves the configuration you see on the screen EVERY TIME YOU MAKE A CHANGE.
* In the Lite version (Free), you can output the results of the configuration that you see on the screen via an email that will contain: assets; debts, and; net value...for each party.
* In the Standard Version, you can save up to five (5) "configurations" or scenarios and then output, via email, to a spreadsheet file (can be printed) or an iSplit Divorce file. The spreadsheet will show the results of each configuration: who owns what; its value; total assets/debts, and; net value.
* Using the proprietary iSplit Divorce file allows another iSplit Divorce user to open the configuration, and all associated graphics, in "read only" mode.
* In the Premium Version, you have an interactive ability to both view and edit configurations and pass them back and forth. Plus, you will be able to save/archive an unlimited number of configurations.
* Ten (10) major asset and debt categories -- same as the Courts use.
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Thanks for using iSplit Divorce. I hope the process goes as smoothly and as painlessly as possible.
* additional visual help when the app starts
- Version: 2.2.9
- Created by: APG Mobile Applications
- Sold by: George Moskoff
- Categories: Lifestyle, Business